An Experiment in Vanity Gone Waaayyy Wrong... LOL!
So this whole little goof began in Sri Lanka last March after making friends with two young delightful women from Berlin. When we gathered each morning before yoga, they always looked great and “ready” for the day. I couldn’t quite figure it out before discovering they had tattooed permanent eye liner on their bottom lids. I was intrigued as I hadn’t worn makeup since I’d left....
Some of you may be wondering what the hell was I thinking - lol - but, wait for it as it gets better.
I had forgotten about the liner until I was close to re-entry back into the states and decided it would be a xmas present to myself. I could imagine never having to put on eye liner again - for the rest of my life! I was a little giddy with that thought....
So I found myself walking into a very hip suburban Carmel office building and into a studio that literally was unlike anything I had anticipated. I found myself in a room that was incredibly creative, colorful and loud. Not loud as in acoustic loud, but loud as in the entire ceiling was covered in hanging mobiles holding objects like stars and paper flowers. I think I walked in and mumbled to myself, “This isn’t quite what I had expected.” Now I should let you know I had done my homework and found that the reviews were good, she was experienced, etc.
I saw a person across the room, and she turned around. I feel pretty self conscious as I write this, but the first thought that crossed my mind was a saying from my farming background: She looked like she had been ridden hard and put to bed wet. And unfortunately no one had told her that the collagen in her lips and the silicone in her boobs were more than a wee bit oversized for her petite and aging frame. And my mind started racing ahead fearful that she believed bigger was better.........
I got ahold of my judging mind and reminded myself that her appearance had nothing to do with her craft. Her reviews were great and she had 15 years of experience under her belt. We talked about the natural look I was hoping for and mixed a tint that made me comfortable. She then put on the numbing cream and we continued to chat for 10-15 minutes letting the numbing cream do it’s thing. By the way, she was in fact a kind and creative soul...
And when it was time to start she put on her gloves, then her glasses, methodically adjusted the computer monitor and leaned over my face. She started to work on my right eye, and though it wasn’t pleasant, it wasn’t too horrible. I relaxed a bit as she finished my right eye before she moved to the left side.
She started to work on my left eye and the numbing cream had not taken!!!!! She put on more numbing cream and began again.
Now the left side of my body has been problematic over the years:
Left broken arm
Left ACL tear
Left meniscus tear
Left small intestine collapsed
And, my left eye did not respond to the numbing cream. I was living a crazy nightmare..... I hoped never to have put in eye liner again, and now I anticipated I would have to do it EVERY DAY so I didn’t look like a doofus. Geeeeezzeeeeeee!!
So, I knew I had to suck it up and let her finish my left eye.... it hurt. Bad. My eyes were rolling up inside my head and I was about to dig a hole into my leg with my fingernails. I had to ask her to stop a couple of times so I could breathe.
Shit it hurt.
And then it was over. Relief and a wimp noodle. That’s what I felt...
Before I left she gave me instructions not to rub my eyes no matter what, and make sure no water got on my eyes for 5-7 days. The tattoo had to set and she said the line would lighten a bit and that I may want to come back for some minor touch-ups. “No way in hell am I ever doing that again,” I thought to myself....
My eyes were a little red and tender when I left, but on day two post torture session my left eye started to have red lines running through it. And then green goo started coagulating in the corner of my eye. And then it hurt to turn my eyeball. All the gooey green eye goo was not conducive to letting the permanent makeup set, and the liner started to flake off.
By day four, the liner on my left eye was ALL gone. HOLY HELL again!! Now my worst nightmare was unfolding on a different level!
I must admit to laughing out loud at the insanity of what was happening as this was all self inflicted. Now I really would have to put on makeup on every day or look like a one eyed raccoon. The final straw came when my daughter looked at me and told me I should go back and get my left eye redone. The thought of sitting in that chair and having that experience again was a visceral, “HELL NO!!”
I started throwing water on my face, stood with my face upturned under the shower head and found the next morning that the liner under my right eye had started to lightly flake off. And.... with some gentle nudging, I was able to worry the rest of the line off. Hallelujah!!!!
My eye has since healed, and I should mention that I had had a cold and probably got germs in my eye from sneezing or who knows what. I don’t believe the technician is to blame, but more importantly, I get it.
Ok, ok, ok... I get it. I am just fine exactly the way I am.